


"What if I told you that I love you?"

by Sammy_is_obsessed



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst/Fluff, Fluff, Happy Ending, Intrulogical, Logan Angst, M/M, Remus is bad at love but Logan's honestly worse, Two halves of a whole idiot, tw panic attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:07:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25435126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sammy_is_obsessed/pseuds/Sammy_is_obsessed
Summary: Logan is taken aback when Remus asks him a question: "What if I told you that I loved you?"What can the supposedly "unfeeling" side say in response to such a query?
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Intrulogical - Relationship, Platonic Analogical
Comments: 97
Kudos: 231





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was just going to be a oneshot but I decided it's probably more palatable broken up into three smaller chapter.

“What if I told you that I love you?” 

Logan’s fairly sure he feels his heart go dead in his chest, the beat turning to nothing but dull silence. The papers clutched in his hands – what are they again? Schedules? A worksheet on how to improve Thomas’s timeliness that will surely be ignored? – crumble under the abuse.

“I – I beg your pardon?” Logan rasps out, his assumedly dead heartbeat coming back to life with roaring force. It thunders in his chest, so hard and intensely Logan thinks, if only for a moment, that it might just beat right out of his chest. And what an image that would be, his heart erupting from his chest; one Remus would surely take a liking to.

He’s been sitting alone in the common room for nearly an hour now, if not longer. He hadn’t heard Remus enter the room or rise up and now here he is, two hands clutching the back of the couch where Logan is sitting, his unkempt nails digging into the fabric, sure to leave a mark. There was no warning up until this moment, no way of telling that Remus was about to ask a question of such magnitude. 

And now here Logan sits, his crumpled papers littering the floor as he swivels to meet Remus’s always wild eyes. But they’re something more than wild today, aren’t they? There isn’t pure mayhem burning in them. Well, perhaps there is, but it’s accompanied by something much stronger, far more dangerous: affection. 

“What if I told you that I love you,” Remus repeats accommodatingly slow so that there is absolutely no way for Logan to misinterpret his words, “What would you say to that?” 

What would Logan say to that? What _could_ he say in response to a statement of such absurdity? Logan doesn’t know, and that it terribly troubling. Logan always knows – he’s always the one to figure out an issue, the one to understand the best course of action. Logan knows everything… at least that’s what he’s been telling himself. But this? _Love_? Logan doesn’t know the first thing about it, and he doesn’t want to either.

Never mind the burning in the pit of his stomach, or the way his body is betraying him, trembling like a bird that’s tumbled from the nest, destined to die writhing in the grass, gasping for air he’s no longer allowed.

“I don’t know why you’re asking me such a question,” Logan hisses. He doesn’t mean for the response to come out so bitter, so wounded. Because, really, he isn’t either of those things. To call himself wounded to any degree would be far too dramatic for his taste. Logan isn’t one to give into dramatics… except, there’s something flashing in Remus’s wide eyes. If he were a different man, someone foolish enough to give in to emotion, he might call it hope, might even call it fear.

The nature of Remus and Logan’s relationship has taken a turn in recent months. Logan doesn’t entirely know how to account for it; prior, they’d had almost no relationship to speak of. In the past, he’d never considered turning to Remus of all sides for conversation. Remus represented, among other things, intrusive thoughts. It would make very little sense for the embodiment of logic to seek out the embodiment of intrusive thoughts. Remus constantly insisted on how unpredictable he was, which is, for the most part, true. But there’s something more to him, Logan was quick to learn.

Yes, Remus is crude, he’s unpredictable, he’s strange and makes comments about things Logan wouldn’t ever have considered on his own. But that’s just it; Remus challenges him. His topics of conversation, while odd, are something that fascinates Logan so, maybe more than he’d like to admit. For as long as he can remember, Logan’s had a hard time being taken seriously by the others. He’s done everything in his power to remedy this, reminding them of his importance to the group, trying to convince them to look at a situation with logic rather than emotion. It’s too much to contemplate, sometimes, the way he’s grown so used to being disregarded.

He has no malice for the others, they’re his friends, and Thomas is his host. He would do anything to ensure the best quality of life for him – even if that does take some revaluating what’s important in life sometimes. But there have been so many points in his life where Logan has ached for understanding, for someone to talk to him about anything he wants not because they feel obligated, but because they want to. 

He’s found that with Remus, maybe. He isn’t entirely sure, it all seems so complicated. The first time he found himself enthralled in a long conversation with the intrusive side – the topic was the most interesting ways to kill someone, he recalls – he had felt so dumbstruck. How could he, logic, find such solace in Remus? It didn’t make any sense.

Even so, things continued. Their conversations became more frequent, their time spent together almost constant. At first, he’d come up with excuses as to why they’d be spending time together: _Oh, Remus is allowing me to study the flora and fauna of his side of the imagination, Remus and I are doing an experiment together, Remus requires my assistance._ But as time drag on, these excuses became far less urgent, and eventually nonexistent. They were merely spending time with one another.

Remus and Logan were friends. This shouldn’t have come off as odd; after all, Logan considered the other’s friends as well. Why should it be any different with Remus?

It was, though. Logan can’t pinpoint when things had started… when things had _shifted_. But they had, somewhere along the way Remus's hands had lingered when he clapped him on the back, watching with glee as a beaker bubbled over. Logan had stilled in Remus’s hold, accepting embraces that he should have had more sense than to indulge. Unexplainably strange thoughts about Remus had emerged, at first in the depth of slumber, but soon they evolved to invade his mind in hours of waking as well as sleep. 

It isn’t as though Logan doesn’t know the danger of repression, he’s far smarter than that, but he hadn’t accounted for the fact that he’d been repressing anything. And now here he sits, his eyes locked to Remus, waiting for this to merely be another dream. Logan’s fairly certain he’s had this dream before.

“That isn’t an answer,” Remus insists, his eyes locked onto Logan, watching him squirm. Logan swallows, the sudden pressure in his throat failing to recede. 

“I don’t know what you’re getting at Remus, but I’m becoming impatient.” Logan finds himself standing up, his legs trembling only slightly under the weight of Remus’s eyes.

“I’m asking a fairly simple question, nerdy wolverine, you would think someone with a reputation for being a smarty-pants would grasp that.” There’s a tremor on Remus’s voice, so small someone who wasn’t well versed in his speech and mannerisms might not catch it. Of course, Logan catches it. 

It dawns suddenly and horribly, the emotion in Remus’s question, raw and vulnerable in a way he’s never expected from Remus. They’ve spent so much time together, so many hours learning about one another, growing impossibly close. Logan hadn’t intended to become Remus’s friend, and anything past that is nearly impossible to contemplate.

This is a love confession, he realizes suddenly, horrified. It isn’t just Remus asking a stupid question for the hell of it; this is genuine. Logan is by no means in-tune with most emotions, certainly not those that pertain to romance, but the look in Remus’s eyes, the nature of the question, the feeling that’s settled at the pit of his stomach all point to it – Remus is confessing his love.

“– _gan_? Logan? Are you okay, nerd?” Logan hasn’t realized how far-gone he’s feeling until Remus’s voice is cutting through the cobwebs of his mind, snapping him out of the trance, but a return to full consciousness only causes his anxiety to spike.

Before he knows it, Logan is sinking out of the commons room and into his own bedroom, but still, he can’t escape the echo of Remus’s question. 

_"What if I told you that I love you?"_

=+=


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW panic attacks

Logan’s been trying to regain control of his breathing for some time now with little success. How long exactly? He doesn’t entirely know. But he does know that his panic is illogical, he _knows_ he isn’t one to give way to panic. But panic is hardly a logical thing, and he’s so deep in it now, feeling every fiber of his being trembling, his brain clouded with nothing but emotion, emotion, _emotion_.

He doesn’t hear when someone enters his room, too lost in the throes of a panic attack to exhibit that kind of awareness. He’s barely aware of the fact that he’s curled up on the floor, his head tucked between his knees before he hears a familiar voice not far off.

“Logan?! Hey, hey man, can you hear me? L, can you hear me?” 

_Virgil_ , he thinks, some small amount of relief flooding his senses. If it were a different situation, if he were more vigilant, perhaps Logan would be utterly horrified to know someone was seeing him in such a state. But Logan’s hardly in the mindset to discourage assistance because really, he could do with some. And then he remembers Virgil’s asked him a question… but what was it exactly? He’d said his name, Logan knows that much, but his mind is far too clouded with thoughts of Remus, and emotion, and l _ove_ for much else to make sense.

“Logan, _please_ , let me know if you can hear me?” Finally, Virgil’s voice cuts through. He manages to poke his head out between his knees, distantly aware that he must’ve removed his glasses because Virgil looks quite blurry. The tears might have something to do with that, too – my god, Logan’s been crying. He didn’t know. _Shit_ , right, Virgil asked if he could hear him. Slowly, Logan nods, his eyes refusing to so much as focus on his friend. Even so, the small gesture seems to provide Virgil some relief. 

“Okay, good,” he says, sounding only marginally terrified, “Can you try and match my breathing? In for four, hold four seven, out for eight, okay?” Logan does his best to follow Virgil’s instructions. He’s always been very good at taking instruction, but it’s a lot harder in his present situation. “That’s good, L, you’re doing great,” Virgil says, voice thick with relief, “Let’s try that again, alright?”

And they do. Virgil coaches Logan through the breathing exercise until he manages to gain his bearings, the television static in his mind reduced to a dull buzz. Logan’s still incredibly overwhelmed, but Virgil’s certainly aided him a great deal.

“How did you know –.” Logan doesn’t even get a chance to finish the question.

“I’m anxiety,” he says with a shrug, “Janus sniffs out lies, I detect bad-vibes. It’s not always spot-on, but my intuition doesn’t tend to be wrong too often when it comes to you guys being really anxious or distressed. I sensed something was up, so I came to check on you.”

Logan, who’s suddenly realized his glasses are beside him and that’s he’s still seated on the ground, slides his spectacles over his now tearless face and stands up.

“Well, your help was certainly… appreciated,” Logan says hesitantly, his sense of shame is beginning to kick back into high gear. If he’s lucky, Logan might escape this situation without having to provide an explanation. Except… that wouldn’t be right, would it? Not when Virgil provided so much help.

“Sure, man. So… do you wanna talk about what’s going on?” Virgil asks, rising from where he was crouched on the floor. It’s presented as a question but Logan’s fairly sure it could turn to a demand for information. He supposes he owes this much to his friend, all things considered. Still, it doesn’t make this any easier.

“I suppose an explanation is in order,” Logan sighs, sitting down on his bed and motioning for Virgil to sit beside him.

“Hey, if you don’t want to talk about it yet, that’s okay,” Virgil insists, “I’m just worried is all. Well, _more_ than usual. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you so upset.” Logan can’t recall the last time he was so emotionally vulnerable in front of someone who wasn’t Remus. God, what a mess this is. 

“Please promise me you won’t laugh.” Virgil scoffs, an incredulous look playing across his face.

“Of course I won’t! Jesus L, I know I can be kinda a dick sometimes, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to laugh at something that’s clearly seriously bothering you.” Logan frowns.

“I didn’t say that you were a dick I just…” he sighs, feeling more than a little out of his depth, “I would understand if you did, I suppose. It’s quite an odd circumstance I’ve found myself to be in.”

“Okay. I’m here dude, for whatever it is you’re going through,” Virgil says encouragingly, placing a hand over Logan’s. Logan averts his eyes.

“Before I came into my room, I had a… conversation with Remus.” Logan isn't looking to see the expression of depended concern that passed over his friend’s face.

“He didn’t say anything fucked-up to you, did he?” Virgil asks, sounding like something to the effect of an overprotective sibling, “Nothing more fucked-up than usual, anyway?” Logan shakes his head, laughing humorlessly. 

“No, it’s nothing like that. Though the topic of conversation has been… weighing on me. More than I expected it to, admittedly.”

“You guys have been spending a lot of time together lately, huh?” There isn’t any malice to the question like Logan might expect. He knows just as well as anyone else that Virgil is by no means the biggest fan of Remus. He’s never directly talked about the time he’s been spending with Remus to Virgil, but it would be almost impossible for his friend not to have realized by now. 

“Yes, we have.”

“How’d that start, anyway?” He asks, before catching a look in Logan’s eyes, “Not that I’m judging you, or anything! You can be friends with whoever you wanna be!” Virgil is doing everything in his power not to sound like he's judging Logan’s choices, trying so hard to be supportive of something he doesn't fully understand. Logan appreciates the effort.

“In truth, I’m not entirely sure,” Logan admits softly, “We just started conversing one day, and I suppose we never stopped. Our conversations fascinate me… _Remus_ fascinates me. He challenges me, and I –,” Logan swallows thickly, feeling swept up in the unknowable depth of his emotions once again, “I like being in his company. Very much.”

“Hey, L, do you –.” Virgil doesn’t get a chance to finish.

“He asked me…” Logan shudders, clenching his teeth and squeezing his eyes shut. Remus’s voice once again torments his mind, “… he asked me what my response would be if he told me that he loved me.” Logan’s eyes aren’t open to gage the look on Virgil’s face, but even so, he’s fairly certain it’s shock. He _prays_ it’s just shock and not something worse.

“Was… was he messing with you?” Virgil’s grasping for straws at this point and Logan knows it. He can’t entirely blame him, either. It’s an uncharacteristically soft circumstance he’s found himself in and it’s not something anyone would expect from the likes of Remus. 

“No,” Logan says, hating the rawness in his tone, the vulnerability he’s too weak not to expose, “He was being entirely serious. Everything… everything about his tone leads me to believe he was being serious. It wasn’t just a meaningless question… it was a confession.”

The words crawl up Logan’s throat, leaving pain and overstimulation in their wake. Logan’s never been one to indulge in feelings, and it’s never made more sense than now. Feelings are messy, they’re unpredictable, and most of all, they _hurt_.

“And you… you feel the same way, don’t you?” Logan might’ve congratulated Virgil on his astuteness if he hadn’t been wearing the heart he didn’t know he had on his sleeve. Logan’s rarely allowed himself to feel his emotions, and now that he’s being infiltrated by them, he doesn’t know how to mask them. It’s all far too much too fast.

“I –,” his breath hitches, grounded only when Virgil takes his hand and squeezes it, “Yes.” 

Logan hasn’t admitted it to himself until just now, the realization (figuratively) hitting him like a ton of bricks. He’s in love. In all of his assurance that he was an unfeeling being, in all his denial and repression, he’s fallen in love.

He’s fallen in love with _Remus_.

He wants to cover his eyes, to somehow shield himself from the harshness and complications of reality, but they’re already shut so tight. This isn’t escapable, not now that he’s accepted its truth. 

“Hey, L, it’s – it’s okay.” Virgil’s trying, lord knows he’s trying, but no amount of “it’s okay” can make this situation seem even remotely alright.

“No, it – it isn’t. Virgil, Virgil I _love_ him. I’m not supposed t-to love, anyone. I’m not supposed to love, _period_. This… this isn’t right, not at all.” Logan’s talking a mile a minute, his heart beating even faster. How could this have possibly happened? One moment he was logic, unfeeling, factual… and now? Now he’s just Logan, horribly illogical, deeply in love. 

“Dude, no,” Virgil says defensively, not in defense of himself but rather Logan’s right to having emotions, “That’s not true. You _gotta_ understand that isn’t true. You’re allowed to feel things, you’re allowed to love people, love anyone you want. So if Remus…” Virgil pauses, still grappling with the knowledge that _Remus_ is Logan’s type, “If he’s the one you love, then that’s okay.” 

“But it isn’t!” Logan shouts, burying his hands in his hair as he springs to his feet. There’s so much energy flowing through him that he doesn’t know what to do with, so much he thinks he might just _explode_. He paces his bedroom floor, hoping that will stave off the impending explosion, that maybe it’ll allow him to get to some logical, loveless conclusion. It won’t. He knows it won’t, but he can’t seem to stop.

The only thing that can cease his motion is Virgil. Logan gasps as he feels a pair of hands clamping around his wrists. Tears well in his eyes against his will once more, and Logan looks at the ground, desperate for escape, desperate for a break from the incessant beating of his evidently very fragile heart. The world is far too cruel to give him either of those things, yet merciful enough to bring him Virgil, who pulls him into a firm embrace.

The final strands of Logan’s composure untether before snapping in half. He clings desperately to his friend, his face buried in the emo’s chest and arms wound around his lanky figure. He sobs, grieving the loss of logic, the loss of composure, perhaps even the loss of his sanity. It certainly feels as though he’s lost it. 

Virgil brings him back to his bed and lays him down like a child exhausted after a tantrum. Logan can’t stop the tears from coming, no matter how desperately he wants to. He can’t remember the last time he cried so hard in front of someone, and he’s sure he’d be ashamed of himself if he had the energy. 

Virgil holds him tight, running a gentle, only slightly trembling hand through his hair and making promises Logan’s sure he can’t keep.

“It’s going to be okay,” he assures, but how can it be?

“You’re allowed to feel. You’re allowed to love,” he says, and it goes against nearly everything Logan thought he knew about himself. How can logic and love coexist? How has Remus captured his heart, with no signs of giving it back? These questions carry Logan into a troubled, dreamless slumber, one he wishes not to wake from. 

=+= 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy oh boy that was angsty and I'd love to hear what you guys thought. Have a wonderful day/night!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus and Logan have a talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I initially said this was going to be a three-chapter work, but in writing this chapter I realized a fourth one is gonna be necessary. Enjoy, I'd love to hear what you think and have a wonderful day/night.

Logan is woken suddenly by the sound of a door slamming against the wall. He shoots up in bed, fumbling for his glasses as he sees Virgil stand to face whoever’s opened the door so violently.

“Leave him the fuck alone, Deceit!” Ah, Janus is here. _Wonderful_. 

“Get out of the way, Virgil. This is no concern of you.”

“No concern of me? Logan’s in a shit mental state, all because of Remus.”

“And you aren’t worried for Remus at all? You two used to spend a lot of time together if I’m not mistaken. You don’t care that he’s hurting too?”

“S-shut up! He did this to himself; he didn’t have to confess to Logan, and not like that. He fucked himself over.”

Virgil guards the doorway protectively, not daring to let the deceitful side enter.

“So you don’t care that he’s crying his eyes out, then? I haven’t seen him so distraught since _you_ left –.”

“Don’t you fucking dare, Janus. I know what you’re trying to do and – and it isn’t working. Leave Logan _alone_.”

“Let him in,” Logan says suddenly, his voice far hoarser than he’d assumed it would be. Virgil swivels to face his friend, concern burning in his eyes.

“But –.”

“It’s okay, Virgil,” he says, in an attempt to reassure the anxious side to the best of his ability in such a state, “Come in, Janus.”

Logan doesn’t miss the hiss Virgil sends Janus’s way as he steps aside and allows him to walk into the room. Logan shoves the blankets off, knowing he must look a fright considering the lack of tie, resemblance to a bird’s nest his hair bears, and his flushed cheeks. Looks like professionalism is out the window, all things considered.

“Logan, I know we’re not exactly on the firmest of footing,” Janus begins, but Logan is quick to interrupt.

“What's happening with Remus? That’s why you’ve come here, isn’t it?” Janus takes a step closer to the bed, ignoring the icy glare Virgil is sending him.

“Yes, it is. I can respect you cutting to the chase –.”  
  
“Get to the point, Janus,” Logan cuts in, exhaustion and fear mingling in his tone so that they are almost one entity.

“Virgil,” Janus says, turning to the anxious side, “Could you give us a moment?” Virgil sputters. 

“No way! Logan, you don’t seriously want to be in a room alone with this _snake,_ do you?” Logan’s hesitation sparks something in Virgil, panic fluttering. “L, c’mon, man…”

“It’s alright,” he says as reassuringly as he’s able, “I promise, there’s nothing to fear. Janus and I will merely be having a conversation. I know you’re concerned, and I appreciate that, but it’s going to be okay.”

Virgil glowers at Janus, still visibly concerned with the idea of the two of them being alone in the same room. Logan can’t completely fault Virgil; he knows the history of their relationship is complicated, to say the least, and while Janus has gained acceptance into the group, that doesn’t stop Virgil from being wary of him.

“ _Fine_ ,” Virgil sighs, his body still clearly wound up with tension, “But I won’t be far off. If you need anything, just –.”

“I will come and get you if the need arises,” Logan assures. Virgil nods uneasily, taking a final anxious moment to assess the fact that, perhaps, a conversation with Janus wouldn’t be incredibly dangerous. Once the door is shut, with quite a bit more force than necessary, Janus turns back to Logan, a look of utmost seriousness carved into his face.

“What’s happened with Remus?” Logan asks, despising the rawness to his voice. A look flickers in Janus’s eyes, one that Logan would dare call predatory if it isn't immediately replaced with concern. 

“To put it bluntly: he’s a wreck. After your little conversation and the way you so _intelligently_ left the room, he is distraught to a point I haven’t seen in years.”

Logan can feel his heart rate escalating the moment the words leave Janus’s mouth. Remus had confessed his love for him, of all things, and Logan had simply left with no explanation. Even in his state of over-emotion, and so many _damned feelings_ , he knows that was by no means the best course of action. Even so, that doesn’t distract from the fact that Logan’s so lost in his emotions, emotions he’s hesitant to so much as face, he’s drowning in feelings, feelings he was so sure he didn’t have, he’s _drowning_ –

“Lying to yourself won’t help.” Janus’s voice cuts through the jumbled thoughts that crowd his mind. Logan notices that he’s begun to shudder again and wonders how close he is to another breakdown. Surely, Janus won’t be as adept at handling him in that state as Virgil, not that he would want the deceitful side to see him so undignified.

“I – I’m not –.”

“Oh, _of course_ not,” Janus says, voice dripping with sarcasm, “You _aren’t_ lying to yourself. You would _never_ be so desperate to convince yourself that you don’t have feelings for Remus. Am I correct?  
  
“I-I…” Logan struggles to dislodge anything more intelligible than that.

“Listen,” Janus says as he sits beside Logan on the bed, “I know this can’t be easy for you. Lord knows feelings are never something that make too much sense. And being Logic, I’m sure you’re doing everything in your power to make sense of them. But that,” Janus says pointedly, “Is precisely your problem. You’re trying to make sense of something that for the most part lacks logic.” Logan casts his eyes down on the comforter, the ache in his chest increasing with each passing moment.

“But _I’m_ Logic. How is it that I can be feeling a-anything of this nature? It-it isn’t right.”

“Yes, Logic is your base function,” Janus agrees, “But that doesn’t stray from the fact that you are far more than that. Surely you don’t think my only purpose is lying?”

“Well, you have impersonated me several times now,” Logan mutters, still not facing Janus. The deceitful side lets out a sigh, silence falling over them for a moment before he speaks up.

“I apologize for any strife I may have caused you,” he says, somewhat apprehensively, but Logan cannot detect any malice or deceit in his tone, “I stand by the fact that I was doing what I needed to do at the time… but I’m sorry, for impersonating you, and for impersonating Patton, and for anything else I’ve done in the past that might be considered malicious.”

“I -,” Logan falters, not having expected such an apology, before deciding on his next words carefully, “I do believe I will be able to accept that apology with time.”

“Then that’s all I can ask for,” Janus says, sounding satisfied on that front, at least for now. “Now, back to the matter at hand.”

“Remus,” Logan says simply, hesitation deeply imbedded in his tone. While Virgil calming him done had done a great deal of good, that didn’t make all this any less difficult. Someone had confessed their love for Logan, _Remus_ had done so, and despite the fear that continues to well inside of him, it's something he's going to have to face sooner or later.

“I know he shouldn’t have done it the way he did,” Janus says tiredly, shutting his eyes as he pinches his temple before looking back at Logan, “ _God_ , do I know that. It was clumsy and incredibly overwhelming on your end, I’m sure. But I suppose I wouldn’t expect much else form him.”

“I didn’t mean to cause him emotional distress,” Logan blurts suddenly, more emotion bubbling in him than he realizes, “I would never intentionally – that is, I’m not proficient with issues of this matter. I… feel horrible, for what I must’ve done.” The last sentence is muttered, shame tinting every word. A jolt of shock runs through him as a gloved hand settles on his shoulder.

“I know you didn’t mean to, Logan,” Janus says in a tone that tells Logan he’s doing his best to be comforting, despite the fact that neither of them are really suited for such a thing, “You’re not the type to be so mindlessly cruel. And it’s not as though Remus hasn’t caused you a great deal of your own emotional distress. He didn’t mean to, though I’m sure you know that.

“He tries his best, really, he does, but he doesn’t always know how to conduct himself in the most constructive ways. I tried to stop him from professing to you in such a way, but he refused to listen.”

“How much damage have I done?” Logan asks, taking the first steps into accepting the fact that he needs to do something about this. Janus sighs.

“Nothing you can’t undo, I’m sure,” he says, pausing, “ _If_ you’re careful.”

“He… he loves me? He really loves me?”

“He does,” Janus replies, “I haven’t seen him so bright-eyed in such a long time. He speaks with such fondness of you. Talks of you constantly, it’s getting to be quite tiresome – yet, I can’t find it in myself to scold him for it. It’s strangely… sweet. Though, I must say, seeing him walking down the hall with a _beating_ human heart in hand, of origins I cannot possibly say, was cause for alarm.” Logan feels a flush run up his neck.

“I… I was the one who asked for the heart, actually,” Logan admits, no small amount of embarrassment seeping in, “He brought it to me for dissection.” Janus let out a roaring laugh, holding a hand to his head.

“Of course you did,” he said, his chuckle dying down as Logan crossed his arms over his chest, “Why would I expect any different from the likes of you two?” Logan takes a deep breath, and then a few more, allowing himself a final moment to process all he’s been going through emotionally before speaking:

“I love Remus.” Janus claps slowly and dramatically, a level of sarcasm that Logan _really_ isn't in the mood for.

“Congratulations, you’re officially the last one to know.”

“Have I been that obvious?”

“Logan, dear, sweet Logic, a _blind_ man would be able to see how helpless you are for him. And goodness, with Remus following after you like a love-sick puppy (is puppy quite the right word? Rabid, deranged wolf, maybe? Ah, it doesn’t matter) and hanging off of your every word? It’s obvious he feels just the same.”

“It seems as though I’ve been rather foolish, haven’t I?”  
  
“You realize you saying that just agrees with what I’ve been saying, don’t you? You and Remus have been acting insufferably stupid, and Remus already acts that way on a regular basis, so I refuse to deal with it from you, too.”

“I – thank you, for this,” Logan says, “It seems I needed some sense talked into me.” Janus nods in agreement, ever one for drama.

“Oh, you most certainly did. But I’m happy to have obliged,” he says, “After all, _someone_ has to look out for Remus.”

Logan can’t help but admire the friendship that Janus and Remus share. He hadn’t realized it was so strong until now, and he certainly hadn’t expected the likes of Janus to be the one to set him on the right path, and yet here he is.

“I’m frightened,” Logan admits, his voice achingly soft, “I’ve already made such a mess of things…”

“That doesn’t mean that they can’t be fixed,” Janus points out, “I trust you’ll be able to work things out just fine. A little misunderstanding doesn’t mean the end of things, and to think as much would be blowing things _way_ out of proportions, I’m sure you realize.”

“Right,” Logan says, the thought of he and Remus no longer having any kind of a relationship disappearing from his mind, “You’re right.”  
  
“As much as I _love_ being told I’m right,” Janus says, not skipping out on the sass, “I do believe you’ve got a conversation to attend to.” Logan worries his bottom lip, wringing his hands.

“Yes… I suppose I do. Has… has anyone been with Remus, in the time we’ve been talking?” The idea of Remus being alone now is suddenly _very_ unappealing.

“Yes, Patton’s been sitting with him. It’s not as though I would leave him alone in such a state.”

Okay, that’s better than he might’ve thought. While Patton and Remus by no means always get along, Patton’s far better at handling issues of emotion than most, and he’s certainly in good hands. Logan stands from his bed, catching sight of himself in the mirror and the mess that he is. For a moment, he considers doing something to fix his appearance before deciding getting to Remus now is a time-sensitive issue.

“Best of luck, Logan,” Janus says, with no ounce of deceit. He really is hoping for the best of outcomes, which Logan is thankful for. He isn’t usually one to believe in luck, but he’s fairly sure he’s going to need it.

=+=

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think that was the first time I’ve written Janus and Logan interacting or Virgil and Janus interacting. Wild.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, Remus and Logan have a talk.

Closing the door behind him, Logan sees that Virgil’s been waiting in the hall. From the expression of relief on his face, it looks as though he wasn’t expecting him to remerge.

“Hey – are you okay? He didn’t try anything, did he?” Logan really will need to find out what happened between those two, all those years ago someday.

“It was a very civil discussion. I’m perfectly fine,” he says, voice clipping slightly. Virgil frowns.

“L, what’s wrong?”

“I’ve messed up. Terribly. And I need to set things right.” The concern etched into Virgil’s face deepens as he takes a step closer to Logan, grabbing hold of his wrist.

“Whoa, hey, are – are you sure about that? I mean, you were kinda a mess back there a little bit ago. _Not_ – not that there’s anything wrong with that! I totally get it, man, I mean, same. It’s just…” Virgil trails off, and he’s trying so damn hard to be there for Logan as much as he can be, but he’s so _scared_ for him, “I’m… worried about you.”

The last sentence is muttered under his breath and Logan is once again reminded how much he cares about his friend. He pulls away from Virgil’s grip on his wrist, instead wrapping his arms around the emo. The embrace is a bit stuff, a little clumsy, and Logan isn’t sure if it’s for Virgil’s benefit or his own, but it’s helping a little. Virgil hugs him back, sighing at the contact.

“Your concern is appreciated,” Logan breaths out, “I know that you’re looking out for me, and I thank you for that. But… this is something that I need to do.” Logan releases Virgil from the embrace, seeing that heightened look of terror still gleaming in his eyes. Even so, Virgil shoves his hands in his pockets and nods.

“Okay. I… I get that. I’m sorry, for being such a thorn in your side, or whatever,” Virgil mutters, his eyes landing on the floor, “I know I worry too-fucking-much…”

“You by no means have any reason to apologize,” Logan responds quickly, praying he comes off reassuring, “Virgil, you calmed me down from a panic attack. You stayed by my side in the worst of emotional turmoil, you are an exceptional friend, and one I am endlessly grateful to have. Your worry being a little heightened is absolutely nothing to be sorry for; you are vigilant, and you’re looking after me. That is _nothing_ to be ashamed of.”

Virgil looks back up to meet Logan’s gaze, the hint of an anxious smile in his upturned lip.

“Shit, L, has Remus really turned you into _that_ much of a sap?” Logan clears his throat, far louder than necessary, which turns Virgil’s smirk into a shit-eating-grin in a matter of seconds. At least he looks less terrified, even if it is a little at Logan’s expense.  
  
“I don’t know what you mean,” Logan says as if he doesn’t know that his friend is entirely correct.

“Yeah, whatever man. You’re a good friend and I’m really thankful to have you around, and all that,” Virgil says, trying and failing to downplay the fondness in his tone. It’s clear that he’s still very anxious for his friend, but he’s doing what he can to trust that things will be okay, something Logan knows certainly isn’t easy for him. “So… you’re really gonna face this thing, huh?”

“I am,” Logan says, taking a deep breath, “I have to.”

“Well then, I hope it goes good,” Virgil says, struggling to sound chipper but doing his best, “Seriously, if this is what you want, then I want you to get this. I _want_ you to be happy.”

“Thank you, Virgil,” Logan says, feeling nervous anticipation welling in him, “For everything.”  
  
“Sure thing, L,” Virgil says, watching as Logan disappears down the hall and towards the common room.

Logan knows he’s very likely not prepared for whatever scene he may stumble upon and is quickly proven right when he walks into the room.

Patton is sitting on the couch with Remus beside him, who is presently sobbing loudly into his hands. The sight is immediately heart-wrenching, to a point where Logan has to brace himself against the wall for a moment. In all the time he’s spent with the intrusive side, he’s never seen him so emotionally raw, so broken. Patton tries to set a comforting hand on the small of his back before Remus swats it out, letting out an animalistic growl. Patton flinches. Logan hadn’t ever wanted this, not in the least bit.

“Remus?” His voice pipes up, coming out far more anxious than he intends. Remus’s head jerks up, eyes meeting Logan’s in a moment of primal emotion Logan doesn’t know how to name. Fear seems to be fairly present, though, _that_ he does know.

“Go – go away, nerdy Wolverine!” He says, scrubbing at his eyes with his sleeve, but the makeup that’s run down his cheeks seems intent on staying put.

Patton’s eyes dart from Remus to Logan, desperation evident. While Patton and Remus are by no means close, Patton never misses an opportunity to be there for his “kiddos,” especially not since Janus’s acceptance and Remus, somewhat reluctantly, being accepted to be in their presence.

“Remus, I-I would like to speak with you.” Logan curses the weakness of his voice, the way it trembles. He’s usually so sure of everything he says, but now, he’s out of his depth and doubt seems to overcast everything that he does.

“Yeah, well, _I_ don’t want to talk to you,” Remus says indignantly in much the way a child might, but the sorrow in his voice is impossible to miss, “S-so you can fuck right off.”

Logan takes a grounding breath before walking into the room and motioning for Patton to leave. The Fatherly side lingers for a moment, anxious to leave Remus in such a state, but the look Logan sends him seems to get the message across that they need some space to converse. Patton gets up from the couch and wordlessly slinks out of the room. The tension that hangs thick in the air is palpable, and Logan can’t be sure what will happen next, only that it probably won’t be ideal.

"Don’t you dare get any closer,” Remus warns as Logan takes another step forward, and the logical side freezes, “ _I bite_.”

Remus is doing his damndest to being intimidating, and while Logan has never actually been afraid of him, _this_ scares him. The damage he’s clearly done, the uncertainty of how this could all play out, his own complicated, difficult to understand emotions at play. It all combines into a situation Logan never imagined he could possibly be in, and he can’t help but wish that he was better at dealing with emotions, or didn’t have them altogether.

“Please, I-I know that I’ve upset you greatly, but –.” Logan snaps his mouth shut as he pivots, narrowly missing a throwing star that careens past him and lands in the wall with a loud _thunk_.

“I _said_ , don’t you dare get any closer,” Remus repeats, wiping his eyes again. There don’t seem to be any fresh tears, but the anger that burns in his red eyes is all the more concerning, “You’d think someone as smart as you would be able to take a fucking direction.”

“ _Fine_ ,” Logan says, trying to calm down his own frantic nerves (and doing an abysmal job of it), “I – I won’t get any closer. I can say what I need to from here.”

“And who the hell told you I wanted to hear anything you want to say right now?!” Remus demands, chucking another star Logan’s way and missing yet again as the Logical side misses it. “Son of a _Bitch_ , how’re you so good at dodging?”  
  
“I’ve had some experience,” Logan reminds him, “I’m afraid that isn’t going to get you anywhere. You know you cannot hurt me that way.”

“Yeah, yeah, lucky you! It’s so fucking easy for you to do it to other people. Why the hell would I get to do it back?” He asks, voice dripping with bitterness and sorrow. There’s a franticness to Remus, different from his usual manic behavior. He seems genuinely terrified for Logan to get any closer, afraid of exactly what, Logan can’t say with certainty, but the thought burns a hole in his mind nonetheless.

“Remus,” he says, standing still where he several feet away with his arms in the air, showing to the best of his ability that he does not intend to cause harm, at least not any _more_ harm, “I… I cannot express how sorry I am, for the way that I’ve behaved. But please, let me explain myself. Allow me to shed some light on things.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I got your message clear as crystal; you’re disgusted to think that someone like me could have such mushy, gushy, _disgusting_ feelings about someone like you.” Logan shakes his head frantically, feeling the shift in the room as things go from bad to worse.

“N-no! Not at all! T-that isn’t it,” he says, trying to explain but it’s so hard to find the words he’s looking for. How does one explain feelings they’d been so hesitant to accept? How is it that Logic can be so overrun with emotion that he hardly knows how to function anymore?

“I’ll – I’ll smash all your beakers! I’ll set all the books you love on fire! I’ll cut your onesie to ribbons! And, then, then –.”

“Then… what?” Logan dares to ask. Remus lets out an exasperated groan, burying his face in his hands once again.

“I don’t _know_! I’d be easier – easier if you were scared of me. If I could just get you to-to be afraid, then maybe you’d leave me the fuck alone. But you’re not scared of me,” Remus hiccups, and Logan realizes he’s begun crying again, “I can’t even get that right, huh?”

“I don’t want to be afraid of you,” Logan says, wanting so desperately to reach out and wipe the tears from Remus’s face. Seeing him crying, hugging his knees, he looks far too small. Remus is bold, Remus is larger than life, chaos incarnate and this isn’t right at all. “And I don’t want to _hurt_ you, either. But… I have. And I apologize, profusely.”

“I don’t know what I was thinking,” Remus mutters through his tears, “I almost never know what I’m thinking, but – but this time I really fucking lost it. I just… I _needed_ to say something. It was like a leach, sucking out all my blood a little at a time, e-every time I saw you, every time you told me a stupid fact, or w-we made something explode together in the name of science.

“And it just k-kept taking and taking. I was gonna be like an empty juice box, all my blood slurped right out, s-so I asked you. Maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad i-if you’d just told me I was repulsive right then and there.”

“I’m not repulsed by you,” Logan says, still lost in the imagery of a bloodless body that Remus has spun, “Not at all.”  
  
“Yes, you are!” Remus shouts, the sound echoing through the room. Surely the others can hear it, from wherever they are. “You – you sunk out the second I said anything! You were horrified!”

“I sunk out because I was overwhelmed,” Logan says, “I didn’t know how to process the information and I needed to take a step back and revaluate. You must understand, issues of emotion don’t come easily to me… and… I panicked. I know I should’ve handled things differently; I know I should have given you an answer, but I… got scared,” Logan admits, his voice almost dipping into a whisper.

“I thought you weren’t scared of me?”

“I’m not,” Logan replies, “I’m not scared _of_ you, Remus. But the prospect of someone having such feelings for me was… not something I’d previously considered. Even as we spent more time together, I didn’t ever consider that you might…” Logan trails off, feeling himself begin to tremble.

His body wasn’t made to harbor love, he decides, and it certainly wasn’t meant to be loved by someone else. He’s tried so hard for so long to be taken seriously, to perform his duty to the best of his ability, and yet here he is, swept up in a sea of feelings he’s sure would take a lifetime to decipher.

“This is quite the torturous way of explaining you don’t feel the same,” Remus replies weakly, “I would’ve gone for a more traditional one myself, waterboarding, castration, bone-breaking, something a little simpler.”

“I didn’t say I don’t feel the same.” Remus blinks, his misty eyes flickering with confusion.

“Yeah… yeah, you did?” Remus says though it comes out as more of a question than anything else.

“No,” Logan says, “I didn’t. I said I was overwhelmed. Feelings… they aren’t something that I have much of an understanding over, but as I’ve come to realize… they are something I possess.” 

“You-you don’t…” he doesn’t dare speak it. Logan shakes his head.

“Earlier today, you asked me what my response would be if you told me that you love me,” Logan says, a lightness in his chest overtaking the hopelessness that had previously taken root, “I’m trying – I’m trying to tell you I feel the same. I don’t understand it, I don’t know how to process it at all, but I _want_ to. Because… Remus, I love you too. I-I didn’t know I was allowed to love, and I certainly didn’t think I’d have someone love me but… I do.”

Remus sniffles, hot tears burning their way down his cheeks as he looks at Logan, taking in the distraught, lovestruck mess that he is.

“You’re telling me, t-that you… that you love me. _Me_?” Logan breaks out into a smile.

“Yes. I love you, an i-incredible amount, Remus. And… I would very much like to kiss you if you’d allow me.”

A sob erupts from Remus as he shoots up from the couch, tacking Logan in an embrace that sends them toppling to the floor. The moment they make contact, Remus is all over Logan, his hands in his hair, on his shoulders, at his sides as he presses desperate kisses to his lips. It is by no means an embrace for the books; Remus is still crying quite a bit, his tears making their kisses taste of salt, and it’s rushed and frantic. But Logan takes all that Remus gives happily, holding onto him like a lifeline.

“I’m sorry,” Logan gasps the moment he has the chance to catch his breath, “I’m sorry, I-I upset you so much.”  
  
“Shut up and kiss me, Lo,” Remus demands, before reigning the nerd in for another kiss, and Logan can’t argue with that.

The tension that had hung heavy in the room disperses little by little. Remus’s anger and sorrow dissolves into relief and passion. Logan’s apprehensions melt away, their survival impossible with Remus in his arms, clinging fervently and embracing him as though stopping, even for a moment, would surely end in their tragic deaths.

For years, Logan hadn’t believed he was allowed to feel much of _anything_. He still firmly believes he wasn’t meant for this softness, and yet, it’s come upon him, and no longer can he dispute that.

He’s become swept up in a sea of feelings that very well might take a lifetime to decipher, and Logan’s decided he doesn’t mind the thought.

Logan loves Remus, and finally, that's one feeling he embraces without hesitation.

=+=

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's the end to this little story. I'd love to hear what you thought of it; your comments have meant the absolute world. Have a wonderful day/night!

**Author's Note:**

> Good old Logan angst. Intrulogical is one of my very favorite ships and I figure Remus straight up asking such a blunt question would provoke an interesting reaction from Logan. I'd love to hear what you think and kudos are always appreciated. Have a wonderful day/night!


End file.
